5 Essential Steps To Get Over A Breakup

Now, I wish I could title this post as 5 easy and quick ways to get over a break up, however there really aren’t that many standard rules or laws that can work perfectly for everyone. You’re not going to wake up the next morning after having your heart shredded by the person you cared so much about and walk away completely healed, not minding it at all. You may go through a phase of shock and disbelief and even denial, glancing at your cell and telling yourself ‘their still gonna text me, I know it.’ But the fact is, you cannot rely on someone else to give you happiness and make you feel loved. Hell no, that’s probably one of if not THE most tormenting places to be in. News flash! You cannot control another person’s life and force them to treat you the way you want them to treat you. But there’s good news, you can train yourself to love, cherish and treat your own darn self right! Here’s how you’re going to get over this person!


Step 1: Take time aside to be with yourself

Dragos Roua

Instead of trying to fill the void of emptiness with a new account on tinder, googling ways to attract your ex back to you or even desperately hooking up with toxic people from your past, first take a second to breathe. Just a second, inhale….exhale. Trust yourself enough to take control of your thoughts and emotions. One of the challenges with break ups is learning to be independent without having that person in your life any longer. You need to revisit yourself and remind you of your own significance and value. You accomplished a lot and made a lot of great things work out before you even met him/her and your qualities haven’t changed, they were never taken away from you.

– Spend a little time discovering more about your strengths and talents. I personally like to go on self-dates or nature walks, carry a little journal with me and write down my experiences in it. This is an investment that you will reap greatly later on.

– Do something spontaneous and fun (not reckless) and add that to your accomplishments. Whatever works best since this is practicing your ability to rediscover who you are.

– There are a lot of different clubs and community social groups you can reach out to for interest sake. Stay outdoors more than indoors and try to reduce social media to a minimum, trust! you will be grateful later.

– This video gives a great example of someone who tells her touching story of love and multiple divorces leading her to take time to love and marry herself first before meeting someone else.


Step 2: Don’t pity yourself, instead forgive then ask NOW WHAT?

Learning to be single again is a change you may not have been prepared for, but for most people, that’s not the most challenging part of a break up. The feeling of rejection and betrayal in most testimonies is what really delivers the blow. In some break ups people don’t get the closure they yearn for and that disappointment tends to linger on. Although it is absolutely human and ok to grieve after losing someone, you don’t want those memories and pain to remain the center of your day.

– One thing that I need you to do if you’re still thinking about this person is to learn to forgive them. The person who hurts the most when you do not forgive isn’t them, it’s you! Lewis B. Smedes states “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was really you.” Do yourself a favor, let go and live your life.

– Get back on your feet and ask yourself NOW WHAT? This statement is pity proof because it veers your mind to think up ways of moving on with your life. I actually like to apply this simple concept in every aspect of life because it moves the magnifying glass away from the issue and towards the possibilities I have to grow and be better off.


Step 3: Create a gratitude Journal


Writing a journal is key in getting over a break up because it

– Shifts your focus to your blessings and privileges

– Reminds you of how much God loves you and strengthens your faith (faith comes by hearing or in this case, reading).

– Helps rebuild your self-esteem and helps you to identify who you really are.

– I don’t just settle with a journal. I personally have to combine it with some sort of uplifting Christian message.

I love my spiritual father Myles Munroe’s sermons because they are some of the the hottest sermons I listen to. They will leave you spiritually woke after listening to even just one of them. Here’s a message about singleness (start at 7:30) that changed my whole perspective on relationships.

This is a bonus video for ladies that I personally really enjoy too!


Step 4: Have a good support group

Steer clear of toxic people who bring their self-proclaiming, negative ideologies into your life. These are people that you know aren’t good for you but because of the pain, you now feel like you can turn to them since they give you some sort of negative and/or demeaning attention, which is better than no attention. Work with people in your life who truly want the best for you and desire to help you through this difficult time.

– The first person you need to encounter who really knows you is God. He is your author and he finished your story before you were even born! (like he’s that cool). He leads you in paths of righteousness and leads you by still waters (psalms 23). He promised to create plans to prosper you, give you hope and a future so you’re pretty much set for life if you can trust this promise and keep it moving.

– Next you want to meet with your confidant and let them know what’s up. This could be a parent, sibling or a very close friend who has passed the test of time and is there to really support you through hard times. Ensure it’s someone that knows you well, non-judgmental and caters to your needs as well as you cater to theirs.


Step 5: Give back

Goldberg and Rosen

Giving back helps you create significance outside yourself and helps provide you with purpose beyond just the things revolving around your little space.

– Help a stranger out with something or go volunteer at a camp or charity. Participate in things that bring value to others. This is one of the best ways to remind yourself that you do still matter because you’re creating meaning for other people, it gives you purpose. It feels great and hopefully you can continue to lend yourself to your community and maintain good relations with people there long after you heal from the pain of the break up.

I hope you enjoyed this post! Please feel free to comment and let me know of any suggestions you may have for future topics. Feel free to start a conversation below of your thoughts and if there is something else you feel I should have touched on. I appreciate you guys and having my posts read, even if this impacted just one person it makes all the difference. Thanks for visiting this week’s blog! Now’s the time to subscribe if you haven’t done so already to stay updated with new posts and comments. Next week I will be covering secrets to never feeling rejected again. See you over in my next blog post!


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