The Best way to Overcome Barriers to Intimacy with God

Hi y’all! Thanks for coming back to my blog and If your’e new, welcome! Today I will be covering part 2 of where I left off from last weeks topic “3 barriers to intimacy with God.” This week I will be discussing the best way to overcome those barriers. Let’s jump right in!

Last week I gave 3 examples of barriers that prevent us from experiencing intimacy with God which were a hurt heart, mistaken identity & cherished sin. Now for this blog entry, I did consider structuring it to reflect solutions to each one of these 3 barriers, but now while writing on it, my heart has settled on speaking about the one best way to negate barriers to intimacy with God.

intimacy with God
desiringgod.org

To sum it up, in order to overcome barriers you must first withdraw yourself from outside people, events and things, quite yourself before God and commune with him. As simple as that. The scriptures make it clear when it says “Come boldly before the throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16). And the reason it says to come boldly is because you are the righteousness of Christ. God is more than willing to take you back (read about the prodigal son in Luke 15). If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us (1 John 1:9). See, the barriers discussed above are all summarized into the mindsets of guilt and shame, which prevent us from living our best life within God’s presence.

The scriptures remind us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). In order to do that you have to intentionally desire the word of God and commune with him through prayer and worship. This is not to satisfy a religious call, but rather to genuinely cultivate and grow relationship with Jesus. Rectify you motives in all things and lay it down before the altar so that God has room to move in your life without your walls being up towards him. He wants a relationship with you, do not let anything stand in the way of that. Let him in. Let yourself enjoy the freedom that comes through him who embodies it. Trust me, it’s so worth it!!!

Next week I plan to make a video on the word of God and why it plays a significant role in a Christian’s walk with Christ.

See you all next week, happy New Year & stay blessed! ❤

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Ladies: Here Are 5 Things a Man Needs Before a Woman  

All content for this post is taken from Dr. Myles Monroe’s preaching of “the 5 characteristics of an ideal man”

Let’s just jump right into it!

http://strugglincatholic.com

A bible study was done where Adam, the first male human created, was the focus of the study. Why was Adam chosen as the center of this study? Simply because God created him with specific instructions to fulfill before later deciding that it was not good for Adam to be alone, resulting in the creation of Eve. God created Adam to have dominion over the earth, the seas and all walks of life. He wanted Adam to enjoy his time in Eden, the protective environment formed for him. Eden cannot be found on a map today, it was never an actual location, instead it represented an environment. Better yet, Eden was the presence of God. Before sin entered earth, Eden signified the union between God and Man, and it was a beautiful place to be.

  1. Therefore, first thing God gave man was his presence. So the first thing a man needs isn’t a woman, it is Eden, or the presence of God. A woman should meet a man in the presence of God.

TIP: Ladies don’t try and drag a man back to Eden, meet the man there! 🙂

  1. https://brillianceinc.com

    Genesis 2:15 God commanded Adam to work… Yes ladies God’s priorities are VERY CLEAR, he requires the man to work. Not only a job to provide for the family but also being aware of or moving towards a vision. Preferably he should be opting to fulfill his purpose on earth otherwise he can get confused very easily, following any path that leads him to anywhere. The best form of grounding himself would be in Eden and in the word, this way he can receive divine direction.

  1. download (6)
    https://mantis.com

    Genesis 2:16 God said to Adam that he should be the cultivator meaning he should bring out the best in everything around him, maximize its potential and produce fruit. He requires the man to fulfill his purpose in the world. The best example of a real man is Christ. Believe it or not, he has a wife as well. Christ is married to a beautiful diverse woman and her name is The Church. He tells men to do what he has done to his wife which is to Love their wife like he loves his own. Wash her with the word of God, raise her with encouragement, help her to be less insecure and enable her to reach her fullest potential as well. Then he is free to present her back to himself.

4. God commanded Adam to Guard the Garden. The male is designed to be the protector. He has not been given a stronger and larger frame to abuse the woman or family; he has been made that way to protect her and his family.

5. journal writingGenesis 2:17 The last thing God gave Adam was his word. God never spoke directly to the woman to inform her about the tree of good and evil. He never told her not to eat from its fruit but he did tell the man. Since the man received the word of God, his job was to teach it to his wife. It seems often in this day and age that the woman knows more word than the man. A man should know the word before meeting a woman.

Genesis 2:18 Then God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” The man God is referring to is a man who is in Eden, Working, Cultivating, Protecting and has the word, that man can now receive his Eve.

         If the man does not experience the presence of God, isn’t working, does not cultivate, refuses to protect and does not have the word, It is good for that man to be alone.

Thank you for joining me for this weeks blog post! Tell me in the comments down below whether this post resonated with you or was against your own beliefs. Feel free to comment your thoughts, ideas, like the post and subscribe for future entries. 🙂 Till then stay safe and blessed ❤

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The Habit of Forgiving: 3 Simple Rules to Forgiveness

~To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was none other than yourself~

By Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is not a form of weakness, although it may feel that way in the process. The objective of forgiveness is more so to grant you peace of mind and personal well-being than to benefit the other person or permit their actions. Forgiveness means to forego the impulse to hold grudges, act with hatred towards another person and miserably stalk them on social media hoping they one day end up in an accident or even more likely, get hit by a meteor so you can lavish yourself in their misery. In fact, this kind of longing for another person’s demise shows them that they have the power to invoke reactions from you and they will see themselves superior to you.

retrieved from: https://askgramps.org

Therefore set yourself apart and allow yourself to forgive. Altogether the hope of wishing someone ill is unhealthy to you alone because you are leaving room for jealousy, anger and ill will. These kinds of feelings won’t do any harm to the other person. It is actually quite similar to drinking poison hoping for the other person to suffer the consequences. I know that many times (probably most times) forgiveness is very difficult especially when betrayal is from your own friends and family. I understand this feeling all too well so I put together my own rules on how to forgive and Here they are!

 

  1. Empathize
retrieved from: https://medium.com/cylinderproject/how-to-actually-empathize-8198e7800166

You may think I’m crazy to say that you, the victim, should empathize with the person who has only been inflicting pain and grief towards you. It’s very humbling to look outside of yourself and veer into the mind of another person; placing yourself into their shoes. Many times, when you do this, you get a better understanding of the person’s intention and in many cases, their intention really isn’t about you or to hurt you. They may just be immature or aren’t sensitive to the pain they are causing you through their behaviors. Other times they could be struggling with something internally and trying to pull you as a victim into their own pain. The longer you know someone, the better you can determine their lifestyle and personality. They may have been brought up in a less privileged home or had issues in their life that shaped them to be where they are now. This does not mean you excuse their actions, rather it means you should try and not take them too personally. The act of seeing the situation through their eyes is selfless since it takes your mind away from yourself in order to consider where the other person is in their life. Imagine if you did someone wrong and instead of lunging at you, they take a moment to conclude the situation with understanding and forgiveness. It would make you jump for joy especially when you know you don’t deserve it.

Having a friend do this for us or us doing this for a friend helps us get a glimpse of just how immense the forgiveness God granted to us is. He carried the cross for our sins and was crucified in the most gruesome way but even amongst all of that, instead of casting us down, because in fact he still was God, he said “forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Like Christ we should study the word of God and pray to develop a heart of forgiveness and show how much we truly love others and ourselves.

  1. Heal

Take a step back, analyze the situation, ask yourself what could have been done better as opposed to identifying the stupid one, or the one at fault who deserves to be punished. Just like in my previous post on grieving and letting go, allow yourself to know and feel the hurt you currently feel then let it go. Recognize its pain but then you must eventually get to a place where you can ask yourself this question: Now What? It’s a question that pushes your mind from being reactive to being proactive and searching out solutions to heal yourself from the psychological, mental and/or physical damage that was caused.

retrieved from: https://lcmi.org/ministries/healing-the-heart/

Furthermore, another beneficial part of healing requires some separation from the individual(s) to let off some steam. It gives you perspective on what steps to take next and provides ample time for you to recollect yourself and focus on things that progress you forwards. Find scriptures of forgiveness from the word of God in your bible or online and meditate on them. So much that they become similar to song lyrics that get stuck in your head (this is actually how I memorize verses, through songs and tunes cause they stick better). Leave the pain in God’s hands and he will guide you through the tough time of forgiving.

  1. Revenge… but not really

Lastly take revenge! Grab their toothbrush and use it to wipe the sides of the toilet bowl…said no true God fearing individual ever! Ok, so Revenge is sweet but it really only gives you short term satisfaction. Anger will continue to well up between the 2 of you, especially if someones breath starts smelling like literal shit (ok never do this its so unhygienic). If anything pray and ask God to show you how to forgive with grace. I remember a time when I was so mad at someone in my family that it humbled me to my knees and I had to ask God in that moment why our relationship had gotten so bad. I felt a strong inclination to forgive the person and tears began to well up in my eyes as I felt the burden rising from my chest. I remembered that it was not my battle, God had already redeemed me at the cross but for now I must grow myself to work better with this person. I then had a deeper appreciation towards Gods forgiveness and patience in my own life.

http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/revenge

A lesson I learned was to take all painful incidents as opportunities to build my faith because it is the best investment I could do for myself. Never linger on ways to get back at the other person, simply improve in yourself and your faith and God will work with the rest. God said that revenge is his so place your trust in him. Ultimately I also believe that success in its own way is the best revenge. Place your energy into making the best out of your circumstance and building yourself in Christ’s likeness. By doing this you will have spiritual success which has many byproducts like financial stability, wealth, wisdom, patience and more!

 

Thank you for reading this weeks blog! comment down below your thoughts or share your experiences on having to forgive someone or maybe even someone forgiving you. Like, comment, and subscribe to receive notifications for future posts. in the meantime enjoy your week, stay blessed and continue to learn, grow and prosper! ❤ 

S -E- X: Oh, So Keeping Yourself for Marriage isn’t wrong??? + 3 Ways this can be achieved

Just a disclaimer, my views on this topic will be heavily fueled by my religious affiliation to Christianity. This means that I will be referencing the bible often so if you got a problem with it, feel free to skedaddle. Also if you are one of the Kenyan papa’s, mama’s or elders who feel that this topic is ‘improper’ feel free to talk to me afterwards but leave your fimbo’s and slippers at home (its winter anyways).

The idea of sex, at least in my household, is often an unspoken, forbidden topic to address. The unfortunate thing about it is that sex, in a lustful manner, is hyper-advertised everywhere in our society. If you don’t learn about how sex is defined in the bible, then the world will gladly teach you their understanding of it. Our hyper-sexualized environment sends out a message of lust; that sex in nature is about immediate gratification with little discernment. As I mention this, you may be playing out a steamy scene from a recent movie or T.V. show you watched where a man whisked a woman away from the club, back to his apartment after their first encounter only to end up waking up tangled in bed sheets with no further objectives. These kinds of encounters are common in cinema but often leaves a void of unhappiness and unfulfillment because honestly, it’s a really shallow way of relating to others. This is not the way God designed how sex and marriage should look like.

My objective for this post is to write on why it is ok to keep yourself pure or celibate in honour of marriage and 3 ways on how this can be achieved.

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Why wait or hold off from sex until marriage?

As youths and young adults we are introduced to the concept of sex early.  However, your understanding of it may not be aligned with its original intent, which is best derived from God himself because duh, he’s the all-knowing creator of it. As twisted as it has become, sex is honestly a great thing absent of sin when done right. Hold onto your seats I’m about to preach! The bible defines sex or the idea of sex as a man leaving his parents and uniting himself to his WIFE (note it doesn’t say girlfriend or side chick, it says wife; get her a ring and issa wife). The world of course portrays sex as a regular activity which everyone participates in with no harm to it. The truth is there may not be any immediate consequences (if you’re lucky) but there may be emotional and psychological damage during the process.

You will end up giving a piece of yourself to the individual you are being intimate with whether you know It or not. You are at your most vulnerable during sex because it is an act of trust with some level of expectations or feelings of entitlement afterwards. For example, you could feel entitled to loyalty from the person you sleep with but that person won’t act loyal since they don’t have a reason for it. Marriage binds 2 people together with a promise. God intended thorough commitment and respect to underlie the purpose of marriage, this way your emotions, psychological, and physical health stay intact and protected.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 states that it is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God. Since you are the child of the most-high God, made in his own image and crafted in his likeness, you are also expected to know him through having a relationship with him. You no longer belong to yourself, you are bought with the precious blood of Christ so you are encouraged to abide in his will which is set out only to benefit you. Imagine, your faithful God wouldn’t just stop at sacrificing his beloved son to help you enter heaven but also to give you the option to follow him, choose life, protect yourself and achieve success as you power through life. It is truly a selfless amazing act isn’t it?

Even if you are not a Christian, the principle of abstaining from sex until marriage has more benefits than not. The reasons outlined above still apply to you if you want to protect yourself from the consequences that arise from sex before marriage. In addition, abstinence helps lower the risks of contracting an STI and helps you focus more on the person’s qualities and things like whether or not they’re actually a good fit for you.

Lastly, please do not beat yourself up if you are no longer pure. This is not a post on condemnation. The bible says in 1 John 1:9 if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. We are not our mistakes or even our past choices, if you know better you do better. God actually considers you ‘pure’ through the light of Jesus Christ so you dont have to carry that burden any further from here on out. In fact, your sins were forgiven before you were even born! Live life now like you are living for Christ, its the only way you can walk guilt free and still enjoy the pleasures of life within the structure God designed for it! ❤

If you seek more encouragement with celibacy, click here to Devon Franklin and Meagan Good’s testimony on why they chose marriage before sex while working in Hollywood.

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If you are young and interested in dating but want to save yourself for marriage, here are 3 ways to prevent falling into the temptation of sex before saying “I do.”

  1. Know the difference between someone who respects your decision and someone who doesn’t

I think the best way to say this is to just be equally yoked in a relationship, this way you already have similar foundations and values and can understand each others requirements better. Your partner should be able to respect you and vice versa for wanting to save yourself for marriage. Ladies, a guy who respects your decision shows it by asking how he can be the most helpful in this regard, and encourage you to let him know if he is crossing any lines or making things difficult for you. He will also accept your explanation without further questioning or making you feel guilty/pressured about it. Be with someone who encourages you to be who you are, stand by what you believe in and optimally loves God as much if not more than you do! (Kudos to those of you who are with a partner like this already, may God direct and bless your paths). If that person does not respect or encourage your decision, it is better for them to be alone 🙂

Click here for the link to 5 things man needs before woman by the one and only Dr. Myles Munroe (mind blowing)

  1. Have confidence in stating your boundaries

Don’t wait until you are in a horizontal position to inform your partner about your boundaries and expectations. Instead, if you are serious about entering into a relationship with someone, you need to express your beliefs on sex, intimacy and marriage as soon as possible (first 3 dates if possible). Remember that you are dating with intention, not just for fun and short lived pleasure. Do not be ashamed to talk about your faith either, some people are Christians but are ashamed of losing their partner because of their belief in Christ. Matthew 10:32-33 states ‘So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.’ I dont know about you but I would much rather be acknowledged by Jesus than a person. Now whether you are a man or woman, part of defining the relationship is being clear about your expectations, that way you give them the freedom to walk away and not feel like their time was wasted. Having someone who waits till it is too late or changes their minds about a relationship later is really frustrating. It’s better to get a clear understanding from the beginning so you dont feel played, used, or that your time was wasted! trust me I’ve been in a situation like this in a platonic relationship and its the last time I will let someone take advantage of my precious time.

  1. Find appropriate ways to show your partner that you love them

Love isn’t just summed up in sex, there are so many other ways to show your love to your partner. For example, you could cancel something in your schedule that you value to make room to see them, this can make your partner feel  important in your life. You could also give them words of affirmation and show real support for them in their choices. You could lend a hand and offer your time or understanding of something to benefit them so they feel appreciated. There are different love languages that people respond to. Figuring out what love language your partner speaks helps veer the relationship away from sex and more towards investing and growing each other. This goes both ways, it’s a mutual relationship so both parties should feel appreciated otherwise there would need to be some changes made in order to enhance the health of the relationship. So be creative and find ways to please your partner making them feel lucky to have you.  

 

Thank you for reading this weeks blog post! Feel free to comment your thoughts down below on how it made you feel? Are you more confident now approaching this topic and has it encouraged you to define the relationship before getting too deep into it? Come back next week where my new suggested topic will be on betrayal and forgiveness. I apologize for not posting every Wednesday as I would have liked to originally. It’s harder than I thought and I recognize that a group of you check my blog on Wednesdays for a new post. I will try my best to post once a week but I cant promise that it will be on one day. Therefore if you just subscribe, you will be notified of new posts when they arrive instead of expecting it on one particular day. Either way, Thank you for your commitment to my blog. I love you guys and God bless!

Redeeming The Time {First podcast (^.^)}

I am in love with the versatility and options I have discovered through my blogging journey and I am more than excited to present my first ever podcast. Today, with the help of my special guest, I will be sharing ways to redeem your time. I hope you enjoy it (getting it converted, transferred and read was challenging and its not perfect but I’m hella proud of it! :D). Because I do not have a self hosted blog site yet, I cant upload the podcast straight from my computer files, instead I have to settle with planting the url code HERE(to download episode, right click and save). Otherwise as we progress through the learning curves, as the theme of this blog site goes, Ill probably improve with the presentation and content of my blog.

Let me know in the comments section if there is anything you would critique, add or subtract, and your own thoughts and opinions about redeeming your time. Also let me know if you like podcasting or prefer reading in a more journal like form. If you haven’t subscribed yet please feel free to do so and stay updated for future blog posts.

Guess what…Next week I’m thinking $$$ money!! I will be discussing ways to increase your financial IQ and prioritize investing your money other than saving/spending it carelessly on unnecessary things. See you in next weeks blog!

NEVER Feel Rejected Again.

I chose this topic because I think we can agree that you have been rejected in one way or another at some point in your life. We all have. Rejection sucks and in many cases it is inevitable, even when you have given your all just to succeed. I want to encourage you to foster a mindset that can lead you to think and manifest ‘reject proof’ thoughts and behaviors. This will help you be more confident and successful in life, from applying for your dream job to not feeling hurt when someone doesn’t give you the inclusion or acceptance you long for. Rejection is a fight you face in your mind and can either leave you feeling hopeless or stronger, depending on how you process it. Strong people use rejection to catapult them into worlds unknown whilst others refuse to grow when adversity hits. If you want to be strong in the face of rejection then listen up, here are 3 ways to never feel rejected again.

 

1. You use rejection as an opportunity to grow and not be defined!

First off I wanted to insert this blog post by Keenan Patram who told his story of being rejected by a girl he really liked. Their relationship started well but then she slowly began avoiding him. As time passed and frustration grew, he soon realized that the issue was in focusing too much on why she should like him, not why she didn’t. When he changed his mind from being problem based to now thinking for a solution, he noticed more ways that he could improve himself. He used that strong feeling of rejection to stimulate personal reflection. He noticed that through his actions, he was pleading to be with this girl doing way too much to be noticed and validated and this pushed her away. (Mind you it’s great to keep your partner happy in a relationship but if it’s looking like your pleading for them and can’t do anything without them then that’s getting a little too crazy). One of the most impacting statement he said on his blog was…

“People sometimes reject us because of the behavior we exhibit in our interactions with them. When people feel uncomfortable, they’re instinctively going to want to prevent themselves from experiencing annoyance or irritation. And their solution is to remove themselves from our presence. The result is that we end up feeling rejected by it… When we recognize these [unattractive behaviors] and work on them, we’re less likely to make others feel uncomfortable. This doesn’t guarantee other people won’t reject us, but it does decrease the odds that they’ll want to avoid us.”

But that’s why rejection isn’t personal. In this case, they’re not rejecting us; they’re rejecting our behavior. Usually people still care about you but just don’t know how to deal with the annoyance or simply don’t want to be irritated with the behavior anymore. Change your behavior but don’t feel defined by it! You just might experience more opportunities and associations that way.

(Incase you want more of him, here’s the link to Patram’s blog)

But! In cases where rejection may not be because of behavior (maybe it’s just not your time for it yet) you can definitely

 

2. View rejection as evidence that you’re capable of the impossible and push your limits

You don’t always get a no to a job that your obviously well qualified for. Things that are easy to achieve tend to mean that your not reaching beyond what your comfortable with. When you hand in your resume for a job position that you kinda second guess yourself with it means it’s a stretch for you and shows that you’re willing to aim for something higher than usual. This should be encouraging, as it states that you are confident and recognize values and potential skills you have to offer. Getting a no reply in these cases is hard to swallow but should really motivate you to keep pushing forward, stay positive and continue to apply for things that are higher than where you presently are now.

 

3. Have a WHY in your life and go forth with it

People sometimes feel a great sting from rejection because they measure that the amount of approval they get is directly correlated to their self esteem and self worth. Remember that the only approval that really matters in life is your own approval (And God who already approved you before the foundations of the earth were laid). Your main priority isn’t to fit into a group of people but to have others want to know and appreciate you because you fit into yourself. One of the most attractive qualities of an individual is their volition and drive to achieve their goals. If you have a why and you focus on making that why happen, you will find people who are genuinely interested in your dreams and may even want to further it with you! It is so exciting to have people in your life that your not pressured or pleading to belong to. If these people somehow end up exiting your life, you wont feel too bad because your sole purpose wasn’t about acceptance or admiration by them; it was to accomplish your mission, whatever that mission is. Bishop T.D. Jakes, another one of my spiritual fathers, puts it best in this video where he talks about how God uses rejection to push you into his purpose. It may be a little dry but its great food for thought when you get a moment and commit to listening to it.

 

Mom and I ❤

That’s it for this weeks blog! My week was a little more crowded for me. I’ve started working on modules for a project I am doing with my mom and am now taking some online writing courses just out of interest. Thank you so much for reading this week’s blog post. I hope you enjoyed it! Cash me in next week’s post where I’ll be discussing Redeeming your time and how you can make the most out of it in just a few steps. Lately I’ve been experimenting with wordpress’s blogging platform and I want to start adding podcasts to my blogs. I think it’s better for me to talk and have my blogs heard instead of just read, that way they can be listened to on the go or while doing other things. It also lets me have more expression and not have to worry about spelling mistakes and the fear of naturally switching to texting mode lol. Let me know in the comments section for next week if you prefer reading or listening. Feel free to comment your thoughts and follow if you haven’t done so already. Till next time have an awesome week!

5 Essential Steps To Get Over A Breakup

Now, I wish I could title this post as 5 easy and quick ways to get over a break up, however there really aren’t that many standard rules or laws that can work perfectly for everyone. You’re not going to wake up the next morning after having your heart shredded by the person you cared so much about and walk away completely healed, not minding it at all. You may go through a phase of shock and disbelief and even denial, glancing at your cell and telling yourself ‘their still gonna text me, I know it.’ But the fact is, you cannot rely on someone else to give you happiness and make you feel loved. Hell no, that’s probably one of if not THE most tormenting places to be in. News flash! You cannot control another person’s life and force them to treat you the way you want them to treat you. But there’s good news, you can train yourself to love, cherish and treat your own darn self right! Here’s how you’re going to get over this person!

 

Step 1: Take time aside to be with yourself

Dragos Roua

Instead of trying to fill the void of emptiness with a new account on tinder, googling ways to attract your ex back to you or even desperately hooking up with toxic people from your past, first take a second to breathe. Just a second, inhale….exhale. Trust yourself enough to take control of your thoughts and emotions. One of the challenges with break ups is learning to be independent without having that person in your life any longer. You need to revisit yourself and remind you of your own significance and value. You accomplished a lot and made a lot of great things work out before you even met him/her and your qualities haven’t changed, they were never taken away from you.

– Spend a little time discovering more about your strengths and talents. I personally like to go on self-dates or nature walks, carry a little journal with me and write down my experiences in it. This is an investment that you will reap greatly later on.

– Do something spontaneous and fun (not reckless) and add that to your accomplishments. Whatever works best since this is practicing your ability to rediscover who you are.

– There are a lot of different clubs and community social groups you can reach out to for interest sake. Stay outdoors more than indoors and try to reduce social media to a minimum, trust! you will be grateful later.

– This video gives a great example of someone who tells her touching story of love and multiple divorces leading her to take time to love and marry herself first before meeting someone else.

 

Step 2: Don’t pity yourself, instead forgive then ask NOW WHAT?

Learning to be single again is a change you may not have been prepared for, but for most people, that’s not the most challenging part of a break up. The feeling of rejection and betrayal in most testimonies is what really delivers the blow. In some break ups people don’t get the closure they yearn for and that disappointment tends to linger on. Although it is absolutely human and ok to grieve after losing someone, you don’t want those memories and pain to remain the center of your day.

– One thing that I need you to do if you’re still thinking about this person is to learn to forgive them. The person who hurts the most when you do not forgive isn’t them, it’s you! Lewis B. Smedes states “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was really you.” Do yourself a favor, let go and live your life.

– Get back on your feet and ask yourself NOW WHAT? This statement is pity proof because it veers your mind to think up ways of moving on with your life. I actually like to apply this simple concept in every aspect of life because it moves the magnifying glass away from the issue and towards the possibilities I have to grow and be better off.

 

Step 3: Create a gratitude Journal

F.O.

Writing a journal is key in getting over a break up because it

– Shifts your focus to your blessings and privileges

– Reminds you of how much God loves you and strengthens your faith (faith comes by hearing or in this case, reading).

– Helps rebuild your self-esteem and helps you to identify who you really are.

– I don’t just settle with a journal. I personally have to combine it with some sort of uplifting Christian message.

I love my spiritual father Myles Munroe’s sermons because they are some of the the hottest sermons I listen to. They will leave you spiritually woke after listening to even just one of them. Here’s a message about singleness (start at 7:30) that changed my whole perspective on relationships.

This is a bonus video for ladies that I personally really enjoy too!

 

Step 4: Have a good support group

Steer clear of toxic people who bring their self-proclaiming, negative ideologies into your life. These are people that you know aren’t good for you but because of the pain, you now feel like you can turn to them since they give you some sort of negative and/or demeaning attention, which is better than no attention. Work with people in your life who truly want the best for you and desire to help you through this difficult time.

– The first person you need to encounter who really knows you is God. He is your author and he finished your story before you were even born! (like he’s that cool). He leads you in paths of righteousness and leads you by still waters (psalms 23). He promised to create plans to prosper you, give you hope and a future so you’re pretty much set for life if you can trust this promise and keep it moving.

– Next you want to meet with your confidant and let them know what’s up. This could be a parent, sibling or a very close friend who has passed the test of time and is there to really support you through hard times. Ensure it’s someone that knows you well, non-judgmental and caters to your needs as well as you cater to theirs.

 

Step 5: Give back

Goldberg and Rosen

Giving back helps you create significance outside yourself and helps provide you with purpose beyond just the things revolving around your little space.

– Help a stranger out with something or go volunteer at a camp or charity. Participate in things that bring value to others. This is one of the best ways to remind yourself that you do still matter because you’re creating meaning for other people, it gives you purpose. It feels great and hopefully you can continue to lend yourself to your community and maintain good relations with people there long after you heal from the pain of the break up.

I hope you enjoyed this post! Please feel free to comment and let me know of any suggestions you may have for future topics. Feel free to start a conversation below of your thoughts and if there is something else you feel I should have touched on. I appreciate you guys and having my posts read, even if this impacted just one person it makes all the difference. Thanks for visiting this week’s blog! Now’s the time to subscribe if you haven’t done so already to stay updated with new posts and comments. Next week I will be covering secrets to never feeling rejected again. See you over in my next blog post!