S -E- X: Oh, So Keeping Yourself for Marriage isn’t wrong??? + 3 Ways this can be achieved

Just a disclaimer, my views on this topic will be heavily fueled by my religious affiliation to Christianity. This means that I will be referencing the bible often so if you got a problem with it, feel free to skedaddle. Also if you are one of the Kenyan papa’s, mama’s or elders who feel that this topic is ‘improper’ feel free to talk to me afterwards but leave your fimbo’s and slippers at home (its winter anyways).

The idea of sex, at least in my household, is often an unspoken, forbidden topic to address. The unfortunate thing about it is that sex, in a lustful manner, is hyper-advertised everywhere in our society. If you don’t learn about how sex is defined in the bible, then the world will gladly teach you their understanding of it. Our hyper-sexualized environment sends out a message of lust; that sex in nature is about immediate gratification with little discernment. As I mention this, you may be playing out a steamy scene from a recent movie or T.V. show you watched where a man whisked a woman away from the club, back to his apartment after their first encounter only to end up waking up tangled in bed sheets with no further objectives. These kinds of encounters are common in cinema but often leaves a void of unhappiness and unfulfillment because honestly, it’s a really shallow way of relating to others. This is not the way God designed how sex and marriage should look like.

My objective for this post is to write on why it is ok to keep yourself pure or celibate in honour of marriage and 3 ways on how this can be achieved.

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Why wait or hold off from sex until marriage?

As youths and young adults we are introduced to the concept of sex early.  However, your understanding of it may not be aligned with its original intent, which is best derived from God himself because duh, he’s the all-knowing creator of it. As twisted as it has become, sex is honestly a great thing absent of sin when done right. Hold onto your seats I’m about to preach! The bible defines sex or the idea of sex as a man leaving his parents and uniting himself to his WIFE (note it doesn’t say girlfriend or side chick, it says wife; get her a ring and issa wife). The world of course portrays sex as a regular activity which everyone participates in with no harm to it. The truth is there may not be any immediate consequences (if you’re lucky) but there may be emotional and psychological damage during the process.

You will end up giving a piece of yourself to the individual you are being intimate with whether you know It or not. You are at your most vulnerable during sex because it is an act of trust with some level of expectations or feelings of entitlement afterwards. For example, you could feel entitled to loyalty from the person you sleep with but that person won’t act loyal since they don’t have a reason for it. Marriage binds 2 people together with a promise. God intended thorough commitment and respect to underlie the purpose of marriage, this way your emotions, psychological, and physical health stay intact and protected.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 states that it is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God. Since you are the child of the most-high God, made in his own image and crafted in his likeness, you are also expected to know him through having a relationship with him. You no longer belong to yourself, you are bought with the precious blood of Christ so you are encouraged to abide in his will which is set out only to benefit you. Imagine, your faithful God wouldn’t just stop at sacrificing his beloved son to help you enter heaven but also to give you the option to follow him, choose life, protect yourself and achieve success as you power through life. It is truly a selfless amazing act isn’t it?

Even if you are not a Christian, the principle of abstaining from sex until marriage has more benefits than not. The reasons outlined above still apply to you if you want to protect yourself from the consequences that arise from sex before marriage. In addition, abstinence helps lower the risks of contracting an STI and helps you focus more on the person’s qualities and things like whether or not they’re actually a good fit for you.

Lastly, please do not beat yourself up if you are no longer pure. This is not a post on condemnation. The bible says in 1 John 1:9 if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. We are not our mistakes or even our past choices, if you know better you do better. God actually considers you ‘pure’ through the light of Jesus Christ so you dont have to carry that burden any further from here on out. In fact, your sins were forgiven before you were even born! Live life now like you are living for Christ, its the only way you can walk guilt free and still enjoy the pleasures of life within the structure God designed for it! ❤

If you seek more encouragement with celibacy, click here to Devon Franklin and Meagan Good’s testimony on why they chose marriage before sex while working in Hollywood.

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If you are young and interested in dating but want to save yourself for marriage, here are 3 ways to prevent falling into the temptation of sex before saying “I do.”

  1. Know the difference between someone who respects your decision and someone who doesn’t

I think the best way to say this is to just be equally yoked in a relationship, this way you already have similar foundations and values and can understand each others requirements better. Your partner should be able to respect you and vice versa for wanting to save yourself for marriage. Ladies, a guy who respects your decision shows it by asking how he can be the most helpful in this regard, and encourage you to let him know if he is crossing any lines or making things difficult for you. He will also accept your explanation without further questioning or making you feel guilty/pressured about it. Be with someone who encourages you to be who you are, stand by what you believe in and optimally loves God as much if not more than you do! (Kudos to those of you who are with a partner like this already, may God direct and bless your paths). If that person does not respect or encourage your decision, it is better for them to be alone 🙂

Click here for the link to 5 things man needs before woman by the one and only Dr. Myles Munroe (mind blowing)

  1. Have confidence in stating your boundaries

Don’t wait until you are in a horizontal position to inform your partner about your boundaries and expectations. Instead, if you are serious about entering into a relationship with someone, you need to express your beliefs on sex, intimacy and marriage as soon as possible (first 3 dates if possible). Remember that you are dating with intention, not just for fun and short lived pleasure. Do not be ashamed to talk about your faith either, some people are Christians but are ashamed of losing their partner because of their belief in Christ. Matthew 10:32-33 states ‘So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.’ I dont know about you but I would much rather be acknowledged by Jesus than a person. Now whether you are a man or woman, part of defining the relationship is being clear about your expectations, that way you give them the freedom to walk away and not feel like their time was wasted. Having someone who waits till it is too late or changes their minds about a relationship later is really frustrating. It’s better to get a clear understanding from the beginning so you dont feel played, used, or that your time was wasted! trust me I’ve been in a situation like this in a platonic relationship and its the last time I will let someone take advantage of my precious time.

  1. Find appropriate ways to show your partner that you love them

Love isn’t just summed up in sex, there are so many other ways to show your love to your partner. For example, you could cancel something in your schedule that you value to make room to see them, this can make your partner feel  important in your life. You could also give them words of affirmation and show real support for them in their choices. You could lend a hand and offer your time or understanding of something to benefit them so they feel appreciated. There are different love languages that people respond to. Figuring out what love language your partner speaks helps veer the relationship away from sex and more towards investing and growing each other. This goes both ways, it’s a mutual relationship so both parties should feel appreciated otherwise there would need to be some changes made in order to enhance the health of the relationship. So be creative and find ways to please your partner making them feel lucky to have you.  

 

Thank you for reading this weeks blog post! Feel free to comment your thoughts down below on how it made you feel? Are you more confident now approaching this topic and has it encouraged you to define the relationship before getting too deep into it? Come back next week where my new suggested topic will be on betrayal and forgiveness. I apologize for not posting every Wednesday as I would have liked to originally. It’s harder than I thought and I recognize that a group of you check my blog on Wednesdays for a new post. I will try my best to post once a week but I cant promise that it will be on one day. Therefore if you just subscribe, you will be notified of new posts when they arrive instead of expecting it on one particular day. Either way, Thank you for your commitment to my blog. I love you guys and God bless!

Tips Before Entering Nursing School + Clinicals!!!

So a lot of you guys have wanted me to write on my thoughts about nursing now that I am going into my third year of the degree. Nursing is all about the holistic care of an individual. It requires patience, understanding, empathy and love of course, as you may already know. The American Nurses Association defines nursing as…

The protection, promotion, and optimization of health and abilities, prevention of illness and injury, facilitation of healing, alleviation of suffering through the diagnosis and treatment of human response, and advocacy in the care of individuals, families, groups, communities, and populations.

For this week’s blog I will expound on 5 tips that you need to know if you are interested in choosing nursing as a career.

 

  1. Have a WHY
Retrieved from: http://www.indianschoolofnursing.org/whynursing.aspx

Do you love the idea of nursing and can you see yourself finding fulfillment in it? A lot of people are going into nursing because of the financial stability awarded after graduating. From my experience I find that these kinds of people drop out of the program usually in first or second year because they soon find out that it’s not the career for them. Having a WHY that’s more than just a pay cheque would be optimal when entering/applying into nursing (financial stability is still a huge factor in deciding what to apply for but you also want to love and enjoy what you’re doing too right???).

I recall hearing the testimony of one of my friends when I asked him why he chose to go into nursing. He told me that he never even dreamed of doing nursing and infact was avoiding it because he felt too many people (particularly in his family) were already in the field. He loved interacting with others but it didn’t have to be through the scope of nursing. He wanted to be different, unique and nursing was definitely not on the radar. The period of time while he was contemplating what to study in post-secondary, he had an accident which required hospital treatment for a couple of months. During his stay at the hospital he encountered a nurse that defied all his previous negative and stereotypical thoughts about what nursing was. He was filled with inspiration at the healing hands from the nurse who took excellent care of him and thought that it must have been fulfilling from the nurses perspective to interact with the patient and ultimately see him get well again. My friend then decided to apply into nursing because he had a WHY that inspired him quite a bit. He now anticipates the role of a nurse to suite his vision of what caring should be towards others.

 

  1. Comprehension over Grades
Retrieved from: https://www.students4bestevidence.net/back-uni-survival-tips-ashline/

We understand nursing to be filled with some decently bright people. The competition to enter into nursing is ridiculously high, now currently at my university they require an 89% average straight from high school and at other locations they may expect even higher. Generally, being accepted into nursing probably means that you are no stranger in over achieving and getting A’s here and there in your performances. However, if you enter into nursing hoping to ace everything, rethink your strategy. As a student, you may find that getting that same A is much harder than it was in high school. Super smart people may get B’s or even a C or two when starting out. In this case, there’s no use in panicking and ripping your precious hair out your skull; rather than obsess over each grade, focus on comprehension, learning the material, and developing your critical thinking skills.

As long as you are grasping the scope of a nurse, growing in your knowledge and skill base and recognizing the positive impact you are having on others then you will always be winning! Of course scores still determine whether or not you pass a course, but sometimes you can’t build the technical knowledge until you’ve assembled a foundation of thinking like a nurse. Also developing the nurturing part of nursing is more than just high grades, it requires a heart to serve and relate to others at their own unique levels. If you ask me, I would much rather have a competent nurse with developed skills in empathy and patience than the smartest nurse that lacks those traits, but that’s just me 🙂 .

 

  1. Be Ready to SACRIFICE!

Probably the biggest change you will experience when entering into nursing school is having to sacrifice your current life endeavors to put more focus and commitment to your studies. There will be times when you receive text messages to hang out with your friends or other opportunities regarding activities you like, performances, concerts, group meetings and the like but you will not have time to tend to them all. Contending loyalties will be the end of you when combined with nursing so you’re gonna have to let go of the less significant things, at least for the time being. I also want to insert here that some of us don’t have the option to just do school alone, sometimes you gotta juggle a job or even 2 to meet with financial demands around your life! The reality is that there are responsibilities outside of nursing that we have to deal with like working and for some of us marriage and raising kids while being a full time student. Having the ability to plan, manage, and organize your time effectively can help reduce some of the dreaded stress and anxiety nursing school brings with it. Which leads me to my next point…

 

  1. Organization is KEY
Retrieved from: https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/remodelaholic-2254410/quick-tricks-for-organizing-desk-drawers-4292583213

This is cliche but you wouldn’t believe how many people still don’t do this. Did I say that contending loyalties would be the end of you in nursing? Well scratch that, procrastination will get you kicked out altogether! I was probably the biggest procrastinator in my cohort when I started nursing because I just felt like I could manage all 3 essays, prep for a presentation and read all the required readings within a night…that wasn’t the case. I had to really grow up in the area of timeliness and staying organized. God understood my struggle and blessed me with a friend who was super organized and well collected, nothing phased her because she was always well prepared and anticipated everything. Some of that discipline rubbed off on me and now even my work space office is clean (for the most part) and it’s reflected in enhancing my performance. Keeping a calendar on your wall or taped to your desk and writing important dates/events on it also really helps keep you on track. In addition, having a planner helps to organize events and gets you writing down important jot notes when necessary. It’s kind of like instead of highlighting everything, you just have the key points written down which summarizes your day in preparation for the next.

I just have to throw in the idea of discipline while I’m still on this topic. It’s a huge concept in nursing school and ties along nicely with the concept of staying organized. For example some students find it helpful to wake up long before class in the morning, travel the long distance to school and hit the gym, then shower, dress, read the necessary course material and attend class before 0800h. It’s not mandatory (thank God cause I enjoy sleeping in) but it sets the student up for success. They were able to conquer their morning and will probably maintain that control and discipline throughout the day. So keep in mind that to stay organized takes discipline and therefore even sacrifice (less sleep) to create the results you want to see in your performance and life.

 

  1. Clinicals & Self-Care!!!
Retrieved from: http://minoritynurse.com/is-your-nursing-clinical-making-you-nervous/

Clinicals is proba… ok just breathe for a second and I will continue…You good fam? Ok good, anyways as I was saying, clinicals is probably the most stressful portion of nursing when it comes to applying your knowledge onto real life people! Keeping this in mind, it is also extremely rewarding because you finally get to ‘feel’ like a real nurse and work within the supervision of your instructor and other graduated nurses. This is where you become the sponge, think and move like the sponge and soak up literally EVERYTHING you can muster. There is a clinicals in all 4 years (At least that’s how my university is set up) and from my own experience, clinicals in first year is a complete joke. You attend once a week (on Mondays) and make beds. You might help transfer a patient here and there but for the most part, you’re not doing much. Second year clinicals is where stuff happens and you are immersed into it maybe even without warning (well I’m warning you now) and you might cry once or twice but it’s all good, it’s scary but the fright doesn’t last long. Stay focused on the deed, be optimistic and open minded because before you know it, you’re gonna be done. Be kind and know your place as a student but don’t be afraid to ask questions so you understand the rationale behind why certain things are being done. Respect those in authority because they have tons of experience and are there to see you succeed while doing your absolute best.

Ok so the night before clinicals do at least these 3 things

  • Gather all of your supplies (calculator, black pen and pencil for the kardex, watch, pen light, stethoscope, notepad etc.) and have your clinical bag ready to go
  • Lay out your scrubs / nursing uniform
  • Get quality sleep because patient safety is extremely important and you will need a good night’s sleep to make sure you’re on top of your game. You cannot think critically with a foggy mind.

 The morning of your clinicals do these 3 things

  • Eat breakfast, even if it is something small. You do not want to risk passing out or getting sick. I have seen it time and time again.
  • Listen to a upbeat song on your way to clinical
  • Arrive early – 15-30 minutes early is ideal, breathe and relax!    

At the hospital, know your patient like the back of your hand, including their activity, diet, primary and secondary diagnosis, why they were admitted, and of course medications and their interactions. Additionally but no less important than the others mentioned, make sure to know the possible social determinants of health that affect your patient. Remember that nursing is about holistic care and seeing the patient more than just a patient but as a human being as well so know more than just their diagnosis, understand factors around their life that can impact their health as well. After knowing your patient make sure to document and evaluate as required. This builds on your skill of time managing and critical thinking.

Nursing overall is a career which requires a lot of effort, focus and commitment but is greatly rewarding in the end. I can end with this, If you end up choosing nursing, you are in for a great experience. You are going to pick up helpful life skills not only in school but also in leadership, communicating and relating with others. There will be times when you doubt yourself but it’s made up for when a patient you cared for approaches you and tells you just how much you helped them out, it makes all the difference! Thank you for reading this weeks blog! Comment down below and make sure to subscribe to stay updated with new posts and entries in the future, Bye for now!! ❤

Knowing When to let Go: A Personal Experience

I apologize for the long leave of absence guys! Ok, Ok so here’s what happened. I actually recorded a podcast with a guest that sounded absolutely amazing! We spoke on the topic of knowing when to let go and we broke it down into a great step by step audio recording. I mean I was mad excited to upload it onto my post but then I couldn’t figure out how to transport it from my email to my blog. I used like a free downloaded app before but it expired and was asking me to pay to renew it. This girl is broke so I decided to hit the internet and search for a different way to upload it and of course, all the tutorials seemed to favor mac users…and again this girl is broke so like yeah…I’m using an acer up in here.

Anyways, so I’ve taken the liberty to type the post instead of record it. I’ll try to record again another time but for now here’s a story on learning when to let go.  🙂

retrieved from: https://www.mindful.org/power-letting-go/

My inspiration for this topic is a personal experience on knowing when to let go. This just doesn’t apply to relationships, but also other situations in your life. A personal one that I want to share (which sounded so good in the podcast ughhh!) is an experience that occurred not too long ago. Out of nowhere, I started seeing myself serving on a team at my church and I knew that I really wanted to be on this particular team. Before I had the chance to inform anyone, the leader of that team contacted me and requested that I audition for it. My heart sunk and I felt a rush of fear and excitement because I never thought that I would be sought after nor that it would happen so soon. I got myself together and auditioned on the spot and managed to get accepted onto the team; I was so proud of myself.

I was told I had to attend practice for a minimum of 3 weeks and to have served on a different team for at least 3 months (which I had accomplished already) before I could get scheduled. I sacrificed to attend practices amidst an already busy schedule with school and writing my book. As time passed I started noticing that I wasn’t going to be scheduled any time soon. I spent a little over 6 months coming to practices and waiting for my name to appear on the team’s schedule which never happened. I tried to communicate my concerns but I only ever heard back excuses, nothing that was solution based or could help me improve in my practice. The lack of communication left room for me to wonder if maybe I just sucked and no one wanted to tell me, or maybe there’s a personal issue that hasn’t been resolved and I didn’t know about. I tried my best to be patient with it all but it was just hurting me and I felt awkward when I saw other people who auditioned months after me getting scheduled before me. I lost hope.

retrieved from: https://www.pinterest.ca

In the end I finally learned that I wasn’t being scheduled because I didn’t meet the standards they were expecting. It was harsh to say after so long of coming to practice. I kind of felt used, judged and demeaned, especially since I didn’t know what these standards actually were and I wasn’t even the one who asked to be on the team to begin with. I knew that if I sought out power and forced my way in, the fact that I wasn’t welcome already would just make it worse and even change the dynamics of the team altogether.

I had to come to terms with myself and reflect on the unsuccessful attempt I had. I invested a lot of time and emotions but I learned a lot more through it and I’m grateful for the experience. I thought that holding on and hanging in there indefinitely was a sign of perseverance and strength, but there are times when it takes even more strength to know when to finally let go. I had to adopt a heart of forgiveness. I couldn’t control the situation, but I could control how I react and feel about it afterwards. I had to remind myself of the things I should be prioritizing in my life like writing my book and entering into my third year of studies. I chose to take power back into my own hands where it belonged and stick to my self-growth. I have also learned to appreciate the team I am currently serving on more and how much happier I am just being content and open with the relations I have already formed.

I really did feel like I was grieving the loss of a dream. The stages of grief can be broken down into 5 steps as stated by Kubler Ross

retrieved from: https://liv4today.blog/2017/03/17/emotional-reflections-stages-of-grief-through-infertility/

Apply your own situation to this diagram and you may see yourself going through the stages of grief as well. Although this diagram makes it look like it happens on a daily basis lol!

Keep in mind that in life it’s better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb rather than the top of one that you don’t. Follow your own intuition and realize when the best time to let go is (hopefully sooner than mine). It’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken, sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something brand new. Distance may be necessary to enable you to see things more clearly and allow you to grow stronger when separated from old habits, relationships and circumstances. Instead find something else that truly moves you and has substance in your life, something that gets you up early that you are so excited to do. That thing for me is dancing and hearing a new song that I just have to teach myself to play on keys.

Lastly don’t get in the habit of allowing yourself to obsess over the past. Holding onto what’s no longer there holds too many of us back and ends up steering the course of our present endeavours. LET IT GO! Close some old doors today so you can start anew and continue to discover who you are and learn of people who truly want the best and most for you. That is all.

Thank you for reading this week’s blog post. Feel free to comment down below some of your ideas and thoughts while reading the post. Also feel free to share what gets you up early and focused or love doing right now. Next week, hopefully, I’ll be sharing my experiences in nursing school and some of the things I’ve learned now entering into my third year. Thanks so much and I’ll catch you guys later in next week’s blog. Ciao!